Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Confession of an abnormal child

Venus is back and can be seen on eastern horizon in evening again. After one and half months of being behind sun and so no visible to us. Venus had set on eastern horizon in early may bring an abrupt end to marriage season, but now she is back and so are marriages in full swing. Only few muhurthas are available because the chatur masa will be starting immediately. I was at a marriage function in morning. As usual the function was a boring affair. Well I needed to talk to someone for a while so called a friend but as usual when friends need me I am always there but when i need friends saab bhaag jate hain any way I was absolutely near his house so had called. I was just flaming with anger but had to smile at relatives at the function. Well he will pay for it later, everyone does.
My mother has a very idiot friend who has a "perfect" son. My mother always gives me examples of this creation of god. I always feel very angry jealous and have contempt for this prodigy-in-making. I am very scared of my hatred nowadays the effects are becoming more and more disastrous. OK I ll write a secret very few know till now. Last year when my mom was praising the "prodigy's" beyond my control I made a secret wish "I wish he be dead". He had a near fatal accident in which his lungs were punctured and a time was when doctors were unsure of his survival. I was like lightning struck, first thing i did was make a very serious anti wish. Fortunately he survived (they cut off half his lung he has 1 1/2 lung now). Again then in spite of all this ordeal he managed to get great marks and mom and her friend went all gagagag. Then again green envy hit me this time wish was "Let him fail", he failed in one maths subject. I was flabbergasted with this. All this is true very true, people who know me will surely never doubt this thing at all. I have never boasted or even told anyone purposely about Uranus gifted energies.
Finally I met him today, he was so normal person not the kind that would be airy at all. I think my mom and her friend had exaggerated his good qualities a tad too much. We were talking about academics and future plans. He wanted to go for MS after his engg degree but said that his parents have had too expenditure because of his accident and so he will try it after 2/3years of job. I was dumbfounded, he was so true and I did not even suspect an iota of what i had image of him in my mind. He was talking as if I was the "perfect" one not the usual him. I have realised what grave follies I have committed, I think i deserve whatever the fallout maybe to this horrible wishes I made.
Long time ago a relative had said this about me "Child is a curse on family, has a black tongue, should be tied to ladder and burned alive" I was only 8 then didn't know what I used to say to people. My parents always knew about this quality and so I was kept happy and contented all time. I have 100 more examples but wont go into details.
I feel very sorry for what I have done and so confess to the world and ask for forgiveness. I so wanted to say sorry to him but he wouldn't have understood that in anyway. I make another wish "Let there be arrangement for money so that ............ can go to US", I feel a little light after writing this confessing.
Black tongued abnormal child begs for forgiveness

1 comment:

Rajeev said...

It is a positive sign when realization dawns, even in day to day matters.

I am anxiously waiting for your description of Uttarabhadrapada nakshatra.