Friday, April 22, 2011

Where does niceness start and end?

Constantly being faced with false happy faces and façades, how does one differentiate between artifice and true emotions. In a world where everyone is nice, where does real niceness start and where does it end?

One of the many things that caught my eye when I initially came to US was how nice the people were. Everyone is friendly and cordial was impressed by how friendly a nation it was but appearances are indeed deceptive. It didn't take me much time to realise that not everything is rosy red in this over-friendly world. False emotions blur the real emotion without parallel leaving us with just vague idea as to what exactly is going on. This can be a challenge for people like me, over analytical people who HAVE to figure others out. The moment I realised it doesn't seem like it is I cranked up my analytical brain and set forth to creating mental rules to differentiate the false from the true. I swore that one day when someone says "Nice to meet you" I would know if they really mean it or just saying it for the heck of it. 

Turns out it is better said than done. In a land where you have to be nice to everyone out of compulsion, have people forgot how to be really nice? I do realise that one cannot be genuinely nice to everyone possible. There will always be someone whom you hate, whom you do not wish to be present with and that is very normal I am not referring to them. Dealing with the others(the ones you like and ones you have no opinion about) does one forget the boundary and become false nice too? 

The most scary part is not how fake people are(there will always be fake people) but the fact that I have started to behave like one of them. However strong opinion I have about someone I have started to put up a fake smile. As I walk through the University saying "Hi-how are you" to all and the sundry, I do realise that with time I have managed to create a façade, the same one which I detest in others. Fake it maybe but I know where my niceness starts and where it ends, same cannot be said for many others....where everything just sort of blurs into a big fake smile. A perfect face, perfect smile, a perfect lie.   

Monday, April 18, 2011

Should we settle?

An old adage goes that "Be with someone who loves you more than you do them". The emotion behind that being that the person will not leave you, but does this extend to accepting someone in your life in spite of not liking them deeply? In matters of relationship, do we have to at times "settle" for a less passion? 
This thought, of course like all my thoughts, has been spawned from a personal experience wherein I threw away a perfectly amiable relationship chance on the premise that there was not much passion from my side. The only way it can be described is "Flushing a diamond down the toilet". It was perfect on all accords, it was a perfect growth opportunity and not to mention the huge leap in societal status it would have granted me but I refused. Then and even now I keep thinking, was I too quick to react? Should had I given it a chance? Two and half decades into life and not a single serious relationship later, is it time for one to settle?
As a young person, one has certain expectations and demands in other person and you refuse to look beyond them. The fact that these expectations are fickle can be proven by simple reason that they change over time. So how do you know in a certain period of time whether you will like/not like a person in future. When you have no idea of your future taste, can one make a choice in present? More so ever can that choice be expectant of future love? 
If we go by the argument that even if we do not love the person right now, one will in time grow into it. The most pertinent question is, what if we don't? Wouldn't it be leading someone on for nothing, wasting their time and leaving them high and dry? Even if one does talk it out with the other party before trying, isn't it a little selfish on our part to "try" a person? Further more in a bid to not upset the other person, and the absence of other opportunities one can actually "go along" with it all the while knowing that you have no particular romantic feelings towards the person. At such a time if we were to find someone we like, then what? Also this might happen over years and situation might not be favourable at all then. So we miss out something real because something false has become too comfortable, too routine, too stick on. 
The other side of the coin is that we might be missing out on an opportunity. Everyone has been through phases in life where you do not like people at first but then come to grow into them as time passes and before you know you are best buddies and sometimes even develop feelings for them. In such circumstances how can we be sure that we won't like that person later on? Wouldn't it be a waste, considering the fact that the other person has deep feelings for you. It is not everyday (unless you are exceptionally beautiful, clever, funny and hundred other adjectives) you find someone who likes you a lot. 
After a lot of deliberation and a lot of thought into it, I have not been able to reach a solution. Decision I made  has no bearing on my state of mind, it was just an emotional response by an over dreamy non-rational brain. 
Not considering the game players who use people left-right and centre, for common folks who have dreams, aspirations, and at the same time compassion for others do we realise that the time has come for us to settle? Will I in future know that this is viable in spite of being lack lustre right now? Can one prevent oneself from flushing a diamond down the toilet again? Can one learn to settle?