Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Changes and us...

Many a seasons ago I made a very nice statement (I hope it is originally mine and not something I heard somewhere) “Dynamicity is the essence of life”. From that point I quote myself over and over again. Something that does not change dies and something that is dead cannot change. Good concept for evolution and college syllabi, but when it comes to actual people can my quote make a difference? Do our lives govern this physics law and if and when we decide to oppose change are we ringing our knell?
To go from something familiar and used to something new can be a very daunting experience. One has a lot of emotions to deal with. Anxiety, excitement, sorrow, happiness and everything indefinable in between to name a few. Over the course of time, the verdict about the change is out and whatever the result we generally are satisfied with what we did. Change itself is always good. A departure from a very good situation to one below it is not very welcome by people but thinking in a very objective and non materialistic way, it is another experience the person would have missed out were they to be confined to their higher situation. We make memories whenever our environment changes, and after all, in the end, all that is left behind is memories.
The perpetual question is, if change is so imperative to your growth as a human being why do we oppose it? Majority of people try to resist change, however it may be. Everyone tries to undo a change that will demote one in any form, but it is no wonder that many try to undo a change that will promote them in life. The uncertainty of future is the thing that many cannot handle and hence consider the risk not worth taking. If we know that we are stagnating ourselves why do we insist on hanging on to obsolescence? What is this obsession with the past, good or bad that makes us behave in this self destructive way? 

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Love- Reality of Fiction

All through our lives we are told about the presence of true love. A feeling that will come and forever change our lives. A Love that will complete you, love all your shortcomings as dearly as your strengths. First thing we see, when we actually manage to start comprehending the world is fairytales in which after some very unfortunate and now, non-sense appearing string of events, the princess and the prince live happily ever after. Twenty something years later the question is, is that really possible? Is there a fairytale ending to lives? Is love reality or fiction?
Women have written about this all throughout history. Women somehow feel more positive about this and always seem to believe that some handsome prince on a white horse will come to rescue them, of their apparently boring lives which they are living. Men, on other hand, don’t have the privilege of rescue they have to be the ones to match up to the 'monogamist-in-love' prince who can manage to look like a Calvin Klein model in spite of just recovering from a fight with a witch who suddenly decided that she likes being a dragon more than her ugly self. Perhaps this is the reason why men don’t write much about love in general. Ironically, though, most love poems have been written by men, but the interesting point to note is-when were they written?. Well, they wrote them when either they fell in love, or when the lady (or ladies or gentlemen) dumped them for someone better looking or someone with money. They wrote when their loves died due to smallpox or giving birth to their dozenth child or worse when bitten by a flea who had just abandoned a dead rat. Point is ,men always write about love when faced by a circumstance pertaining to love after some experience about which they can write poems using similes and transferred epithets. Have you ever seen a man writing an article on love just out of curiosity? Someone never been in love writing about love? Well you are now...
A long for stimulating company, a desire to be liked and of course physical relationships- are all the decoys for love. Almost all people like being with other people more or less. No one would like to live a whole life alone in some cave with no one to communicate with and interact. That said we can always have family, friends and sometimes even strangers to talk to. We live in a society where you can put up an advertisement for friends and make friends. These people can also make up the second point and they can like you. All my “points” really don’t make any sense when confronted with the last one. Sex is one major issue. Like it or not, like food and water we (most of us) need sex. Lust is the most agreeable of all the cardinal sins and usually the most frequent one, one is prevailed upon to commit. So is the desire to be in love just nothing but a Victorian sugar coating for lust? Are we just horny? Or is there something that can transcend all of my points and be something surreal, more potent than the most promising mood lifter ever created. Were those man poets really that happy about love or they were just happy they got laid (or were in anticipation they would after exhibiting their poems)? As someone who has not been in love this can be tricky situation but then what do we qualify as love? And most important thing is the current time. For 2011 define the presence of love
How do we differentiate love from lust, friendship or simply a dire want of company? To solve the dilemma we can consider the golden mean of all. It may not be true but in my view love is when you are attracted to someone sexually and at same time have a complete non sexual relationship with them after the act is over. Also the relationship should be enjoyable, people can just throw things at each other and that would still qualify as a relationship however weird it may be. Intelligent readers who somehow have managed to retain their attention till now may easily shout “that’s friendship”. Well to their credit it is. Can love be a perfect blend of sex and friendship? Are lovers just friends who f***?
This article (or whatever you want to call it) does ask a lot of questions, but then seeing the gender of the author, it was expected supposedly. Just a few around us who have found the true love can be the source of the answers and most decidedly they will have different views on love. Experiences and events in life gradually alter a person’s view on love. We all start off with Cinderella and end up either being happily in love with either Cinderella or her wicked sisters, depending on how much cynicism we have built up over the ages. Given all the influences we have on our opinions over the course of time, what should qualify as the correct answer? Or is this one of those unanswerable questions of physics like where did the universe originate and stuff? If so, can love have a singularity like physics has? Or is it too much to ask from a concept so vague that has exponential interpretations of itself?
At twenty three, one may boldly claim the excuse of inexperience and non-exposure to ones defence about having no answers to these questions but as we get older we soon will not have them. To hope that we will have the answer by the time we are ready to be buried/burned or fed to vultures is certainly a lot of useless optimism, but one can certainly hope to have some in sight into this wonderful emotion that has added a lot of happiness (however temporary it may be and however bad the consequences be) to this life we have. At now author claims complete ignorance but very keen to hear from others the answer to question, is love for real?

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Ghost - My new poem

Alone on a grey road,
 in a black night;
scared, she strode,
not a soul in sight.

Saw something near,
not very nice;
trembling with fear,
for every vice;

With courage hired,
did she accost;
The sceptre tired,
cold with frost.

Grey face ugly,
thin frame askew;
flesh all dangly,
but eyes were true.

I am your past,
sad,alone,a cast,
no idea how long,
before dead at last.

However disliked,
abhored, hated time;
You, my past spiked,
even riddled with slime.

Come with me,
Fear not quite;
I will set you free,
While we walk into the light.

Monday, May 9, 2011


Unruhe, german word for " not peaceful", "restless". Exactly what I am feeling right now. The most scary part? I cannot pinpoint it . Another semester comes to end soon. Though it is still some time for me to graduate I have a an apprehension of what is to follow. This is a new concept since I have never been apprehensive about the future. When you know what is going to happen you don't get shocked. Thing is, even in the deepest faith, there remains a fraction of doubt. What if this does not turn out the way I know it should?
This may seem weird but sometimes I feel someone is watching over me,getting me out of trouble and preventing me from getting into new ones. I do think that this might be an observation for a lot many others. Truth maybe far from that and all those circumstance might be just random events taking place. I do not care for the truth, but if someone is watching over me, then I need him/her/it now.... They need to come and take this Unruhe away, because I my heart knows everything is going to be all right, its just my brain keeps interfering. 

Friday, May 6, 2011

Why does the right feel wrong?

For a last few days I had been feeling rather optimistic. Instead of being horribly worried about the future, for a change I was looking at it like a world of opportunities. Naturally this was a phase, because nothing turns out the way I want it. It is always something which is good for me in the long run, but the short-sighted greedy person I am, I fail to see the usefulness of the fiasco right now. If that what happens is right for us, why does it feel so wrong?
Surrounded by optimistic people who say things like "In the end everything will turn out fine" and "'Whatever happens, happens for good", can a sane pessimist survive the onslaught of hope? The worst punishment one can give to a person is a false hope. In such light are optimistic people just killing us? If whatever is happening is supposed to be a part of huge plan which will in the end turn out fine, why is the working of the plan so shitty? And who is to say what we will get at the end of the plan. If the path is any judge to the destination we sure are heading towards Shitville...
Saw a movie recently North and South 2004. Sound track from the same....a piece called "I have seen hell". The monologue behind this piece goes 
"How cold and harsh it is here, everywhere there is conflict and unkindness
I think god has forsaken this place, I believe I 've seen is white snow white"

Friday, April 22, 2011

Where does niceness start and end?

Constantly being faced with false happy faces and façades, how does one differentiate between artifice and true emotions. In a world where everyone is nice, where does real niceness start and where does it end?

One of the many things that caught my eye when I initially came to US was how nice the people were. Everyone is friendly and cordial was impressed by how friendly a nation it was but appearances are indeed deceptive. It didn't take me much time to realise that not everything is rosy red in this over-friendly world. False emotions blur the real emotion without parallel leaving us with just vague idea as to what exactly is going on. This can be a challenge for people like me, over analytical people who HAVE to figure others out. The moment I realised it doesn't seem like it is I cranked up my analytical brain and set forth to creating mental rules to differentiate the false from the true. I swore that one day when someone says "Nice to meet you" I would know if they really mean it or just saying it for the heck of it. 

Turns out it is better said than done. In a land where you have to be nice to everyone out of compulsion, have people forgot how to be really nice? I do realise that one cannot be genuinely nice to everyone possible. There will always be someone whom you hate, whom you do not wish to be present with and that is very normal I am not referring to them. Dealing with the others(the ones you like and ones you have no opinion about) does one forget the boundary and become false nice too? 

The most scary part is not how fake people are(there will always be fake people) but the fact that I have started to behave like one of them. However strong opinion I have about someone I have started to put up a fake smile. As I walk through the University saying "Hi-how are you" to all and the sundry, I do realise that with time I have managed to create a façade, the same one which I detest in others. Fake it maybe but I know where my niceness starts and where it ends, same cannot be said for many others....where everything just sort of blurs into a big fake smile. A perfect face, perfect smile, a perfect lie.   

Monday, April 18, 2011

Should we settle?

An old adage goes that "Be with someone who loves you more than you do them". The emotion behind that being that the person will not leave you, but does this extend to accepting someone in your life in spite of not liking them deeply? In matters of relationship, do we have to at times "settle" for a less passion? 
This thought, of course like all my thoughts, has been spawned from a personal experience wherein I threw away a perfectly amiable relationship chance on the premise that there was not much passion from my side. The only way it can be described is "Flushing a diamond down the toilet". It was perfect on all accords, it was a perfect growth opportunity and not to mention the huge leap in societal status it would have granted me but I refused. Then and even now I keep thinking, was I too quick to react? Should had I given it a chance? Two and half decades into life and not a single serious relationship later, is it time for one to settle?
As a young person, one has certain expectations and demands in other person and you refuse to look beyond them. The fact that these expectations are fickle can be proven by simple reason that they change over time. So how do you know in a certain period of time whether you will like/not like a person in future. When you have no idea of your future taste, can one make a choice in present? More so ever can that choice be expectant of future love? 
If we go by the argument that even if we do not love the person right now, one will in time grow into it. The most pertinent question is, what if we don't? Wouldn't it be leading someone on for nothing, wasting their time and leaving them high and dry? Even if one does talk it out with the other party before trying, isn't it a little selfish on our part to "try" a person? Further more in a bid to not upset the other person, and the absence of other opportunities one can actually "go along" with it all the while knowing that you have no particular romantic feelings towards the person. At such a time if we were to find someone we like, then what? Also this might happen over years and situation might not be favourable at all then. So we miss out something real because something false has become too comfortable, too routine, too stick on. 
The other side of the coin is that we might be missing out on an opportunity. Everyone has been through phases in life where you do not like people at first but then come to grow into them as time passes and before you know you are best buddies and sometimes even develop feelings for them. In such circumstances how can we be sure that we won't like that person later on? Wouldn't it be a waste, considering the fact that the other person has deep feelings for you. It is not everyday (unless you are exceptionally beautiful, clever, funny and hundred other adjectives) you find someone who likes you a lot. 
After a lot of deliberation and a lot of thought into it, I have not been able to reach a solution. Decision I made  has no bearing on my state of mind, it was just an emotional response by an over dreamy non-rational brain. 
Not considering the game players who use people left-right and centre, for common folks who have dreams, aspirations, and at the same time compassion for others do we realise that the time has come for us to settle? Will I in future know that this is viable in spite of being lack lustre right now? Can one prevent oneself from flushing a diamond down the toilet again? Can one learn to settle?