Saturday, January 31, 2009


January ends as it started. Time flies faster than a hawk chasing a prey. And what am I doing?? Actually nothing. There is an uncomfortable status quo in my life. Don't know how or why but things are just not working. I am having important work but its getting postponed and not by my laziness but rather due to circumstances. When will these circumstances give way to more light?
I wait as master Saturn turns his wheels for me. Its always been this way I have to wait for the road to clear up.
Anyway even the winter seems to have eluded me this time. Its just not cold, actually its not hot either but I remember last year this time I was shivering in cold at 6 30 am everyday(I had tuition's). This year nothing. I also remember what I was doing in January of 2007--04. Aah 2004, the best year of my life I must say. It was not complete though. If a complete year has to be good I guess 2003 takes the prize on account of how much fun I had then. 2004 began with a rather extrapolated version of 2003. I had friends, a great dream, a great position in class, great academics. I had all that is important at 17. Then down came the ceiling, as the year progressed it turned around and bit me like a crazy bitch. Suddenly the fun finished, friends went their own(better than mine) ways, academics vanished into thin air, position slipped so low that it was unimaginable. I fought to regain it, I refused to accept that all is over. I refused to accept that I no longer was the center of attraction. Living in painful denial dropped my interest in what I had in my hand(something I repent). The crown had fallen, monarchy uprooted, kingdom annexed.
Incidentally why had this happened? Well simple explanation is given by astrology sade saati duhh what do you expect in it?? More introspection revealed the hidden cause. The real cause is a silent asleep pride which I had then. I bore the punishment for the pride I had and this reformed me a lot.
Then the years passed and I grew more comfortable with my new fraction-of-first fun life. slowly I recovered still the past haunted me for many a times till I learnt to bury it in the dark chambers of mind. Slowly I made new friends and build up a new world for myself. It was nothing compared to the lost kingdom but a house to own I must say. Normality followed and a sense of security too. Now I am perfectly happy in my own new world. Still sometimes I look back and see the days when everything was perfect.....the days of January 2004..
A very nice song with a very nice meaning
I have much now but i need much more if I were to have what I once had...

Thoda hain thode ki zaroorat hain

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Privacy or shelling

Firstly something about my meeting with Karun. It went fantastic.Karun is as he portrays on Internet. Exactly, just I imagined him 10kgs lighter hehehe.
Just now I was talking to a friend about her blog which I have started reading. She told me she didn't want many people to read her blog and that was reason she didn't advertise her blog. Is she yearning for privacy or is this an action of shelling oneself. I know that we all need privacy we all have to keep certain things strictly to ourselves, I don't contest that at all. What I am saying is that where the line of privacy seeking nature end and that of self protective wall building nature begin? Can it be found out? ever?
I mean if you take the pains of expressing your thoughts through a medium, is it a need of privacy to keep those hidden? Then why write it in first place? I know all cannot be intended for all audience, but then we can always choose how much to reveal to whom...
I have always made the mistake of shelling myself under the false veil of privacy. Something I regret many a times. This false veil is the biggest chicanery one can do to oneself. The moment you try to restrict access you create a barrier that deceives you, the barrier projects a screen a mirage of security when in fact it is preventing the mind from opening up new frontiers.
I recall a very famous dialogue from television serial "Andromeda". The situation is like captain person meets a very odd alien and talks to him, and while talking the weird alien alludes at the presence of many more weird alien species, the captain contradicts the weird alien...then he says..

"Captain, you claim to be an explorer?? Then open your mind to new possibilities"

Same way everyone has to open up his/her mind to new things, far from being held up in old shells of false security, try new frontiers. Who knows this may be the same thing you were searching for? Give up the false sense of privacy, privacy is essential indeed but it should not stop a person from being free and independent.

A very relevant song for occasion, here the song talks about the hesitance about love, but its the same about anything in life.
Here is Mitwa..

Teri nigaahen, paa gayi raheinpar tu yeh soche jaaun na jaaunyeh
zindagi jo hai naachti tohkyon bediyon mein hai tere paanv
preet ki dhun par naach le paaga ludta agar hai udne de aanchal
kaahe koi apne ko aaise tarsaaye jo hai ankahee jo hai ansuni woh baat kya hai bata

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Long time no see

Well I am back to my daily blogs, looks like it though. So day started with my sudden decision to cut my hair. I of sudden I thought that I hate long hair(long in my context is 2inches). So got up at 9 am and rode away to barbers shop to just finish of all hair. After the order I gave to finish it off, I was left with a very unique customised haircut I call "Cactus cut". When your hair is so short that it stands up like a cactus thorn then the cut is called a "cactus cut". So I now sport cactus cut, heheheh.
hmm so went to german class, after the class I was scheduled to meet my friend, I have mentioned him before. He is A lives in Europe came for vacations. So we went back to our most frequented spot, felt nice to chat again. For few minutes I forgot he lived in europe........
hmm but reality is the bitch which never fails to bite. It was nice time, loved it. I am trying to squeeze in another meeting before he goes back to europe. Lets see I hope we can manage...
Another news...I am meeting Karun in person tomorrow. He has come to pune, actually shirdi but will stop over pune to meet me. So will write about this first of kind experience. How does it feels to meet someone who whom you already know very well but never met? A decade ago such sentence would be called as stupid, but internet has done it.
So what happend tomorrow will write it there..
Till then aufweidersen..gute nacht

Monday, January 12, 2009

Ich lerne Deutche

Hmm I am loving my German class,in spite of its gruelling time schedule its not at all boring and repeating. Just like plainly. Out teachers are very jolly and accommodating, they understand all difficulties before we ask them. Also we are learning by direct method, meaning the teacher teaches German in German from day 1. Well now I almost all what teacher(die lehrerin) says in German. I like this way, the translation and using English cribs to learn another language is not acceptable and time eating.
So apart from class I am enjoying the camaraderie that i share with fellow students. Apart from an old (and a lot talked about) friend I have met new people. Two 16 year old boys, exact replica of what i was heheheh, very naughty and very inquisitive. Also like the innocence they have, what 6 years can do? seeing with my eyes. I also have with me a very irritating person. He is like sooo sycophantic, he is sort of dumb and constantly asks whats the teacher saying. I hate him even my old friend hates him and we try to avoid sitting next to him but he finds a way to get a seat next to us..shit..
Well I recalled a very old song, "O sanam " by lucky ali, great song love its slow speed. Here's the ever young and ever favorite "O sanam" by lucky ali enjoy the song.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Back to 2009

Hello...sorry for absence was busy with community so much that blog slipped to back of mind. Okay here are the updates. My sister has got married and is very happy with the same. I have passed my "jyotish visharad", with good colours. I have also started my leap towards further education.
hmm right now I have just started German classes. I have always thought about joining a class teaching European language. So with right now time to spare, I am doing it. I just had the first day today and it was very good. I am liking it very much. I hope I learn it till I master it like all the languages I know. Love languages....
Hmm 2009 has come. The year I was waiting for since 2007 has finally made its grand entrance.
2009 the year that will complete the most important dream I have till now. 2009 that will give a lot, forge a lot of me. Rahu will finally give its major result in 2009.
I hope I see a rerun of 2009 as I have already seen. Therefore the title is "back to 2009" that's not a mistake..
Only one request to planets..give me a 2009 that I saw in chart..Grant me my dream.
Here's the great song..."I have a dream" abba