Sunday, May 31, 2009

Crossing the stream

May ends and with it I lay to rest many ghosts of past. Many stories in my life are either finished or drawing themselves to dramatic endings. I always wonder the way of fate, it just makes way for everything. Things just fall in in right places, places are made for things to fall in. An effortless way of fate to meet all the requirements. What seems utterly impossible turn into blaring realities. One move by planets and the entire background on your life is situated turns around and reveals a new colour to which you are supposed to adjust.
There is a very old song by ABBA called "I have a dream" in which a line goes "When I know the time is right for me, I cross the stream". I am feeling the same way. Its time to cross the stream.
Thanks to Dasha change I have a very new outlook to life and a very cool, stable approach to life.
Now I guess I am ready to cross the "symbolic" stream.
There are number of things which bind me to this shore of streams..thought most of them are finding way to end association. Really things are really fixing themselves, people making their own exits. I will be hard just to pack up and leave for ever, but I have no choice. I have to follow my fate and that signals me to leave now.
As far as people I am leaving on this shore then it will be difficult for them. Mainly my family will be affected much. I don't have any prominent friends. I had a very good friend but I am not on talking terms with him since a months now, that's a closed story. I think I ll meet him once before I leave, don't know lets see when "bye bye" time comes. Another friend is like me leaving so that's his own fate and story. So mainly family that will miss me, but its a temporary thing, they will get over my absence soon. Time doesn't stagnate and doesn't let anyone stagnate. Changes are eternal and only death can rescue you from changes..
So in June I finally step ahead to cross the stream. Bye bye comfortable May..hope to see you once again in life.
Same song "I have a dream" by ABBA

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Stability all the way

By that I don't mean stability in life and materialistic things. By that I mean a stability of mind and behavior. Yesterday night I made a huge mistake, of accepting apology. Accepting apologies is the way cookie crumbles actually but sometime the validity and veracity of the apology is under severe judgemental microscope. In such times a wrong decision harm the apology acceptor more than giver.
I even realised confession doesn't usually lead to turning things all right, well anyway whatever might happen confession lessens the burden off the head. I did confess a few things which turned the situation a lot worse but I just don't care about that.Usually normally I would have thought and wasted a lot of my time on my part in the worsening. New me?? nopes, that's the last thing on my mind now.
Today is Shani Jayanti, the amavasya in krittika nakshatra(my nakshatra). This amavasya is usually horrible for me till last year I just avoided doing anything on this day. Today is different, I know something bad will happen still I am going to go out and carry out my predetermined things. Whats the worse that can shani throw at me? I am prepared for all.....
I love my new me, and love the new found gift of stability.....
A lovely song telling the essence of life. Life is too short to waste on bad people, you ll encounter them always in life, best way to deal with them is to move on. Forget what happened and move ahead to embrace the new sun that's to come on the horizon..
Its best to wash the bloodshed that night did rather than to cry over that. Crying does nothing, washing cleans the mind and prepares it to smile when the new Sun rises on the horizon...prepares to smile as a new day comes....:)

Friday, May 22, 2009

Mayflower blooms in time

May is on its way to closure. I hate this time, May ending is by default the end of fun in my mind. Well as a child that was case for 10-12 years but now its not so still I feel sad when may comes to a starling end. This year, May was different than it was for last 16 years or so that i remember. This may was insignificant it held nothing much fun. Still I cant help feeling the tinge that its coming to an end. I love all things may signifies, the freedom, the no work, the tans in the sun, the mangoes all... Lovely sun riped mangoes yummy. I even love the electricity failures that occur in night forcing me to sit in dark in terrace or in window. Well we have an inverter now still I don't switch on light when we have a failure. It is a very nice feeling to be in dark away from the thousands of prying judgmental and marking eyes of the world. It feels safe not to be judged always, not to be marked out of 10 and not to be be worried that you didn't score a 9. It feels very different. It feels a lot different to be alone in dark.
Love all the things that May offers each year. May the season when sun shines the most, May the season when we feel free without any reason, when we laugh at each others weird tans, may the season when we enjoy the wind in night, may the season when minds bloom into happiness and freedom.

May the month when like a person sitting alone in dark, Mayflowers bloom alone in their beautiful glory but alone in surrounding dryness..

May the month....

Sunday, May 17, 2009

A summer night through the city

I had THE THE THE most enjoyable day ever today. Therefore I had to write it down, I would like to capture such moments in time capsules which I can see and smile later.

The day was not something that was out of ordinary. It was fun but I have such fun many times these days so that was not something different. The different was the evening and night. I was to meet a friend for a evening snack(that replaced dinner). So he came to pick me up and we went to the place and ate. So far everything ordinary...then all of sudden he said that we should go for a drive in city. Then we had the blast, it was wonderful...
Well summers in Pune are quite rough and temperatures soaring very high. But that is in day, as the sun sets on western dusty horizon winds blow in Pune, as the sun disappears the winds grow cooler and cooler and in the night cool winds blow throughout the city. By 9 o'clock whole of Pune is enveloped in the cool dusty winds which are the best feature of the otherwise horrible summer. Driving through the city at such a time is a experience in itself. Traffic ceases its chaotic roar by 9 pm and silence begins to spread along the roads. Especially the less frequented roads are very deserted by 10pm and give way to the free winds to dance their lovely dance.
Well we choose a rather less traffic road and went on a slow cruising along the road. Not too fast not boringly slow at a speed where we can enjoy the winds but not get choked by it.
I absolutely love the feel of somewhat cool and refreshing wind in the face. It makes your cheeks cold and when you touch your touch your face you realise that you have become cool :). That's the best part, further I don't have long hair to be troubled by what happens to it in the wind. had a blast in the night air in city. Only one thing twitched my mind, I should be in such a situation with the person I love(though friends are very good company they don't replace love its supplementary not complimentary). These days as Venus travels martian sign I am experiencing many different things well one thing is the outcome. I cry constantly that I don't have love in life, do I actually want one?
Anyway lets not spoil this wonderful post by talking about this now. This night let it be the night that blew wind in the face...for ever..and for ever..
Song from 16th December "Dil mera ek tara"...I am as awara as my dil :D if not more heheh

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Winding up present

Last few posts I mentioned how I was changing, yesterday I was convinced that it is for good, nay for BEST. I guess the planets are preparing me for the journey ahead. My being quiet, calm, cold and calculative will help me further when I pursue my dreams ahead.
Well what happened? Few days ago I saw a new word a verb "to defriend" it is soon to be added into English dictionary I am using it a tad bit earlier. So I defriended a very good friend of mine. The metaphorical action of removing the person profile from social networking site. In my case orkut. Now if I had been old me. I would have put the cursor on the "remove" button and thought for half an hour and then wouldn't have pushed it. But new me, in minutes I removed him further went to gtalk and blocked him too :O.
Such behavior is totally new to even me and to add to surprise after I kicked him out I went out with another friend and are ice cream :O :O. There I was all okay. I wont say happy but quite close hmm "blissful" would be more appropriate word. Bliss full as in free from thoughts of what i just did. This "defriend" is the person I mentioned in the many of my posts and recently he hooked up with a girl. Well suddenly his behavior changed and blah blah blah...we all know story how how people change when they get girlfriends. Point is this change is not because of her, I know her and she didn't do anything to make him behave with this highhandedness. Its self decided behavior. Anyway yesterday he showed arrogance of the highest kind. So out he went..
This bring us to end of a story. Slowly slowly major parts of my life are winding up to their ends.
I am not doing anything particular but the events are unfolding likewise. People are leaving my life and the I am being excused from theirs. Slowly I am loosing the baggage i had with me baggage of presence and past. In this way planets are conspiring to make me "fit" for the future.
This attitude will surely help me in future. I don't know whether I "grew" up but if Jupiter indeed "grew" me up, he did a good job with me.
Saturn turns straight on 17th May. This planet will then make a very fast run for the exit of sinha sign. Saturn winds up his stay in sinha, making my past and present clear the way for future. Next Jupiter will turn retro in august going back into makar making the perfect combination where I move beyond the present making it the past.
A past that began by itself and ended by itself. Then only thing that will remain are memories of how I befriended someone and how I defriended him. Cause one thing planets cant affect is memories.......Goodbye past and bye bye present...

Song that I like very much. I particularily didnt paste the video(though that is very good too). Just wanted to hear the song. I dont know what it signifies to people. To me it signifies the start, a new dawn that stabs the night to death.....

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


Few weeks ago I wrote about how I was seriously was, "no strings attached" happy for someone else. Next in line I wrote about how I was unusually calm and composed in most aggression invoking scenarios. Today I wrote how change has affected me in another quadrant.
I have seemed to lost the bad attribute of "worrying" and "caring". Yes I was overtly worried about what my actions/words do to other people. This was to the extent that used to try to undo the harm by apologising or trying to allay the situation. Now I just don't care..:-).
Maybe another of Jupiter's changes(Still trying to gauge how I have changed, its very difficult to perceive yourself changing) but this one I open with open arms. I really need a break from the over emotional nature I had. Words are like arrows once they leave the bow there is little one can do. So whats the point in worrying and getting all upset by them.
As I have lost the care what my words do to others I seem to lost the action others does to me as well. I care very little about what people say to me nowadays. Its not that I have become a total ascetic or something. What I am writing is a drastic drop in intensity of the emotions I used to feel. The anger, the affinity, the care, the envy, the sorrow everything has suddenly dropped and and the effect is that I am very quiet and silent these days. But this quiescence is not sad it is the reflection of the peace of mind I have these days.
Hmm was hearing a really nice Marathi poems the other day, one line seems to refuse to leave my brain.
This is by Suresh Bhat I dont know the whole song but this line is very touching.....

Tula bhetatil majhe, tujhya ghari sur olakhiche
ubha tujya aagani swarancha abol ha parijaat aahe
(You will meet a lot of my tunes in your house; Standing in your courtyard is a silent tree of tunes)