Saturday, January 31, 2009

Retrospection

January ends as it started. Time flies faster than a hawk chasing a prey. And what am I doing?? Actually nothing. There is an uncomfortable status quo in my life. Don't know how or why but things are just not working. I am having important work but its getting postponed and not by my laziness but rather due to circumstances. When will these circumstances give way to more light?
I wait as master Saturn turns his wheels for me. Its always been this way I have to wait for the road to clear up.
Anyway even the winter seems to have eluded me this time. Its just not cold, actually its not hot either but I remember last year this time I was shivering in cold at 6 30 am everyday(I had tuition's). This year nothing. I also remember what I was doing in January of 2007--04. Aah 2004, the best year of my life I must say. It was not complete though. If a complete year has to be good I guess 2003 takes the prize on account of how much fun I had then. 2004 began with a rather extrapolated version of 2003. I had friends, a great dream, a great position in class, great academics. I had all that is important at 17. Then down came the ceiling, as the year progressed it turned around and bit me like a crazy bitch. Suddenly the fun finished, friends went their own(better than mine) ways, academics vanished into thin air, position slipped so low that it was unimaginable. I fought to regain it, I refused to accept that all is over. I refused to accept that I no longer was the center of attraction. Living in painful denial dropped my interest in what I had in my hand(something I repent). The crown had fallen, monarchy uprooted, kingdom annexed.
Incidentally why had this happened? Well simple explanation is given by astrology sade saati duhh what do you expect in it?? More introspection revealed the hidden cause. The real cause is a silent asleep pride which I had then. I bore the punishment for the pride I had and this reformed me a lot.
Then the years passed and I grew more comfortable with my new fraction-of-first fun life. slowly I recovered still the past haunted me for many a times till I learnt to bury it in the dark chambers of mind. Slowly I made new friends and build up a new world for myself. It was nothing compared to the lost kingdom but a house to own I must say. Normality followed and a sense of security too. Now I am perfectly happy in my own new world. Still sometimes I look back and see the days when everything was perfect.....the days of January 2004..
A very nice song with a very nice meaning
I have much now but i need much more if I were to have what I once had...

Thoda hain thode ki zaroorat hain


2 comments:

moon's muse said...

I can relate to this one to every word.There was atime when everything was perfect being the cynosure it becomes rather difficult to accept when all is not hunky dory but we learn,don't we!

masquerade said...

This post really hit home with me. The age of 17.. well I experienced something very very similar. I still struggle with the deep shame of my fall from glory. The pitying looks people had in their eyes for me.Even though right now I am in a better place yet, the dark days and the blazingly glorious days right before them will forever haunt me.