I remember a famous dialog from some random movie in which an old lady advices her son "Son don't make money, make memories". The thought is really nice but when do we realise that we are making memories? What separates the mundane life from the future memories?
We will never know what we will remember and what we will forget, we can never anticipate the magnitude of the event just by itself when it happens. So can we say that memories are cannot be created on purpose? If i say I want to remember this day forever can i do that?
In a life full of dynamics, do we actually know that we are living the time of our lives?
Monday, July 26, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
The agony of Deja vu
I am horribly bored so I just decided to visit the blog. I should really start writing regularly, it is cathartic and I have practically nothing else to do for almost a month now. So lets see I hope i do start writing regularly.
Reason for this post particularly pertains to a very painful repetition of events in my life. I guess the year to be 2008 and a different country. I don't know but i always seem to save myself from trouble by building huge walls around me. Locking myself up in an ivory tower where I am safe from all the miseries of the world, in a place where no one holds the power to hurt me. Though everyone I meet starts on the same page, some very few do manage to knock down some walls. Few come close to my ivory tower and once in 2 years someone does manage to reach me.
I don't know how but sometimes things happen where I open up to people. Bad part of this is, they gain considerable power over me and my thinking, which I don't like at all.
Deja vu, the feeling that the present has happened before, like you are living it the second time around. Someone has done this before and someone is doing it now. Last time it hurt me like hell, and I am afraid it is going to hurt again.
The thought that I will have to go through this shit again is exasperating. Still don't know what to do. Save myself the heartache I will have in 6months for which I will have to push the person away or have fun for 6months and brace myself for the shit yet once more??
Like I always say...time holds the answer in her womb and all we have is ultrasound(astrology) :D. See
See you around. A very nice song to mark the sentiment.. The scene where she is eating alone reminds me of myself a lot.
Reason for this post particularly pertains to a very painful repetition of events in my life. I guess the year to be 2008 and a different country. I don't know but i always seem to save myself from trouble by building huge walls around me. Locking myself up in an ivory tower where I am safe from all the miseries of the world, in a place where no one holds the power to hurt me. Though everyone I meet starts on the same page, some very few do manage to knock down some walls. Few come close to my ivory tower and once in 2 years someone does manage to reach me.
I don't know how but sometimes things happen where I open up to people. Bad part of this is, they gain considerable power over me and my thinking, which I don't like at all.
Deja vu, the feeling that the present has happened before, like you are living it the second time around. Someone has done this before and someone is doing it now. Last time it hurt me like hell, and I am afraid it is going to hurt again.
The thought that I will have to go through this shit again is exasperating. Still don't know what to do. Save myself the heartache I will have in 6months for which I will have to push the person away or have fun for 6months and brace myself for the shit yet once more??
Like I always say...time holds the answer in her womb and all we have is ultrasound(astrology) :D. See
See you around. A very nice song to mark the sentiment.. The scene where she is eating alone reminds me of myself a lot.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Never forget it was bad
A friend reminded me of the blog so like just stepped in to write something. I don't know why I ever stopped writing anyway. I should have noted down these 5 months as they turned out to be very important months of my life.
Writing this article to just remind me of how horrible time I am having. I realised over time we tend to forget the bad times we had and tend to remember only the good times and get all nostalgic about days gone by. I did this with the '90s. I can safely say that out of all the time in the '90s I just had fun for less than 30% of the time still I tend to remember that as a good time. Reminding of the 30% good times while conveniently forgetting the ordeal of rest of time.
I have to stop myself from doing about the current time so writing this. This certainly is the most important time of my life till now but it is in no way all good. It has been full of disappointments and rejections. Jupiter changed in December and certainly improved my life but in perception. By that I mean that the background didn't change at all just the way I perceive changed. I once read somewhere that Jupiter on Jupiter gives a false sense of happiness, a sense that everything is alright. Well that was happening I believe.
Now that false sense of happiness is gone with Jupiter's transit to Aquarius. I am back to my sad self. The things that gave me comfort and made me forget the miseries are all one by one going away. Today was the worst day. You can get sad only to a certain extent then you just stop, you can no longer be sad its just not mentally possible to be more dejected than a certain level. That is happening today I reached like a Plataue, now someone tells me something bad I ll probably laugh.
This time different thing is that I no longer doubt planets, one event was like a slap on my doubtful face. I do believe that I will have good times to come but till then I want to remember the bad times for what they were BAD...
A really nice song from the '90s...the decade that I remember as happy..
Writing this article to just remind me of how horrible time I am having. I realised over time we tend to forget the bad times we had and tend to remember only the good times and get all nostalgic about days gone by. I did this with the '90s. I can safely say that out of all the time in the '90s I just had fun for less than 30% of the time still I tend to remember that as a good time. Reminding of the 30% good times while conveniently forgetting the ordeal of rest of time.
I have to stop myself from doing about the current time so writing this. This certainly is the most important time of my life till now but it is in no way all good. It has been full of disappointments and rejections. Jupiter changed in December and certainly improved my life but in perception. By that I mean that the background didn't change at all just the way I perceive changed. I once read somewhere that Jupiter on Jupiter gives a false sense of happiness, a sense that everything is alright. Well that was happening I believe.
Now that false sense of happiness is gone with Jupiter's transit to Aquarius. I am back to my sad self. The things that gave me comfort and made me forget the miseries are all one by one going away. Today was the worst day. You can get sad only to a certain extent then you just stop, you can no longer be sad its just not mentally possible to be more dejected than a certain level. That is happening today I reached like a Plataue, now someone tells me something bad I ll probably laugh.
This time different thing is that I no longer doubt planets, one event was like a slap on my doubtful face. I do believe that I will have good times to come but till then I want to remember the bad times for what they were BAD...
A really nice song from the '90s...the decade that I remember as happy..
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Silver linings
Right now I am going through a pretty bad time in life. One of my online friends suggested that I should write at such an important time. Deeply thinking its a good idea, writing can be cathartic for the mind, especially when you don't have anyone trust able to reveal your true feelings to.
The silver lining of this dark cloud is that I have taken a step forward in my readings. I have invested my time in reading classical literature, the sort of literature every "well accomplished" person should know. I read Jane Austen,Milton,Wilde and of course Shakespeare too. Apart from my wish to be well versed in literature I read more for the joy of it. Thankfully the library in our university is stocked with all kinds of books. So maybe after this drought in happiness is flushed by rain I will be left with a sense of accomplishment.
As I wait for the planets to turn and help my fortune I cannot help but realise that this time has taught me many a things. It has changed me a lot, made me more of a man and less of a boy. I still wonder whether this bad spell has stabbed my innocence or injected it with a vitaliser. Time of course as usual holds the unborn answer in her womb delivering only when he's completely ready to face the world and the world him.
Writing an excerpt from a poem by Oscar Wilde "The dole of King's daughter"
There are two that ride from south and east,
And two from the north and west,
For the black raven a goodly feast,
For the king's daughter rest
There is one man who loves her true,
Red ,O red is stain of gore!
He hath duggen a grave by the darksome yew
One grave will do for four.
No moon in the still Heaven,
In the black water none,
The sins on her soul are seven,
The sin upon his is one.
The silver lining of this dark cloud is that I have taken a step forward in my readings. I have invested my time in reading classical literature, the sort of literature every "well accomplished" person should know. I read Jane Austen,Milton,Wilde and of course Shakespeare too. Apart from my wish to be well versed in literature I read more for the joy of it. Thankfully the library in our university is stocked with all kinds of books. So maybe after this drought in happiness is flushed by rain I will be left with a sense of accomplishment.
As I wait for the planets to turn and help my fortune I cannot help but realise that this time has taught me many a things. It has changed me a lot, made me more of a man and less of a boy. I still wonder whether this bad spell has stabbed my innocence or injected it with a vitaliser. Time of course as usual holds the unborn answer in her womb delivering only when he's completely ready to face the world and the world him.
Writing an excerpt from a poem by Oscar Wilde "The dole of King's daughter"
There are two that ride from south and east,
And two from the north and west,
For the black raven a goodly feast,
For the king's daughter rest
There is one man who loves her true,
Red ,O red is stain of gore!
He hath duggen a grave by the darksome yew
One grave will do for four.
No moon in the still Heaven,
In the black water none,
The sins on her soul are seven,
The sin upon his is one.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Hope, good or bad?
The reason for this thought is but natural a personal hope. Right now I am hoping that I get a job. I had applied for a job and was called for interview too. Interview went well but owing to the holidays in between the decision has been postponed till the coming week. As the "D week" arrives I wonder what will happen to me? Will I get this job? I can only hope...
There is a very famous conversation in the movie "Shaw shank Redemption" about hope. About how hope can be fatal, crush a man's life when the deed is not fulfilled. On the other hand he spent the time he had hoping for it and at least that time was not bad. So what do we do exactly? Is it wrong to hope for something? If the wish does come true, then hope was the best thing to have and if it doesn't it was the worst thing.
My hope is worst than others, because its based on astrology. I am not just randomly hoping for something. My hope is based on the study if planets. That in sense complicates things because if this hope is not satisfied it will directly assault my belief in astrology. I know it sounds shallow and childish but when you hope for something for months on end, your mind makes up things and dreams that are very difficult to delete. At such a time an entity taking the blame for hope is a healing one. I am not saying that if I don't get the job astrology is wrong, I maybe wrong for astrology. :)
There is a very famous conversation in the movie "Shaw shank Redemption" about hope. About how hope can be fatal, crush a man's life when the deed is not fulfilled. On the other hand he spent the time he had hoping for it and at least that time was not bad. So what do we do exactly? Is it wrong to hope for something? If the wish does come true, then hope was the best thing to have and if it doesn't it was the worst thing.
My hope is worst than others, because its based on astrology. I am not just randomly hoping for something. My hope is based on the study if planets. That in sense complicates things because if this hope is not satisfied it will directly assault my belief in astrology. I know it sounds shallow and childish but when you hope for something for months on end, your mind makes up things and dreams that are very difficult to delete. At such a time an entity taking the blame for hope is a healing one. I am not saying that if I don't get the job astrology is wrong, I maybe wrong for astrology. :)
Friday, January 1, 2010
New year begins
I am writing on the new year's eve. 2009 ends and 2010 begins, as with the year a new decade also begins.
I am not out partying because of lack company, my roomates and most friends are away either visiting someone or on work so there is no one actually to force me to go out. Far from being sad or dejected I rather prefer the situation. New year's eve is certainly much better enjoyed alone for me. I for one believe that there is no better time to relax and contemplate sometimes even analyse and plan for the future. The year that went was by far the most turbulent year of my life. After a great sense of improbablity I did manage to secure admission in one of the universities here, applied and procured a visa and finally flew in to US. By far this is the most major life changing event I have ever been through so by that scale 2009 is the most adventurous year of my life.
Last year I was sad, 2008 was a very good year and I was sad that it was ending. This is year I am happy. One of the most turbulent year of my life is coming to an end. It gives a person a hope, even maybe false that future is not so turbulent and there is serenity to look forward to.
Wishing all a happy new year 2010, may 2010 wash all the sorrow 2009 dragged in with. Happy new year
I am not out partying because of lack company, my roomates and most friends are away either visiting someone or on work so there is no one actually to force me to go out. Far from being sad or dejected I rather prefer the situation. New year's eve is certainly much better enjoyed alone for me. I for one believe that there is no better time to relax and contemplate sometimes even analyse and plan for the future. The year that went was by far the most turbulent year of my life. After a great sense of improbablity I did manage to secure admission in one of the universities here, applied and procured a visa and finally flew in to US. By far this is the most major life changing event I have ever been through so by that scale 2009 is the most adventurous year of my life.
Last year I was sad, 2008 was a very good year and I was sad that it was ending. This is year I am happy. One of the most turbulent year of my life is coming to an end. It gives a person a hope, even maybe false that future is not so turbulent and there is serenity to look forward to.
Wishing all a happy new year 2010, may 2010 wash all the sorrow 2009 dragged in with. Happy new year
Monday, November 23, 2009
Good fortune,glorious envy and inglorious acceptance
The position a person occupies by default in life, something which he occupies without any work aimed at acquiring it can be called the good fortune the person has. Now how "good" the good fortune is totally a different matter but this article is not about that. The article is about the good fortune and the acceptance of the same.
People are born with different fortunes and they do different karmic acts which together determine the quality of life they will enjoy. I for one believe that the fortune which we are born with is very difficult to override and some events are predetermined which cannot be changed at all. Such events are seen in the chart as very powerful oppositions of some qualities which are mismatched. We cannot change such things but we can definitely work to make ourselves accept the reality of fortune or misfortune.
The fortune of some is the cause of envy for some due to the absence of the same. The problem is not the envy. It is natural for human beings to want something and to see someone better apparelled than self will definitely be a cause of hate. Actually it is one the emotions few can resist so I have called it glorious here.
So now the real problem. Refusal to accept the reality of the time can lead to persistent envy and envy once prompts a person to act can it can be very bad for karma. Well if a person refuses to believe in such concepts then please go on...act on your envy. The fact of matter is that the early the person learns to accept fate more easy it becomes for him to remain happy in that fate. I know it is difficult, and I am no saint(not yet :P maybe in few decades :D) but we have to try and try. Crying over misfortune is the initial reaction which is very fine but when we devote time to think we should pull up the bar and accept the occurrence thus enabling us to be happy even in misfortunate conditions because that's what a life is about...being happy for most of it isn't it? :)
People are born with different fortunes and they do different karmic acts which together determine the quality of life they will enjoy. I for one believe that the fortune which we are born with is very difficult to override and some events are predetermined which cannot be changed at all. Such events are seen in the chart as very powerful oppositions of some qualities which are mismatched. We cannot change such things but we can definitely work to make ourselves accept the reality of fortune or misfortune.
The fortune of some is the cause of envy for some due to the absence of the same. The problem is not the envy. It is natural for human beings to want something and to see someone better apparelled than self will definitely be a cause of hate. Actually it is one the emotions few can resist so I have called it glorious here.
So now the real problem. Refusal to accept the reality of the time can lead to persistent envy and envy once prompts a person to act can it can be very bad for karma. Well if a person refuses to believe in such concepts then please go on...act on your envy. The fact of matter is that the early the person learns to accept fate more easy it becomes for him to remain happy in that fate. I know it is difficult, and I am no saint(not yet :P maybe in few decades :D) but we have to try and try. Crying over misfortune is the initial reaction which is very fine but when we devote time to think we should pull up the bar and accept the occurrence thus enabling us to be happy even in misfortunate conditions because that's what a life is about...being happy for most of it isn't it? :)
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