Should we settle?

An old adage goes that "Be with someone who loves you more than you do them". The emotion behind that being that the person will not leave you, but does this extend to accepting someone in your life in spite of not liking them deeply? In matters of relationship, do we have to at times "settle" for a less passion? 

This thought, of course like all my thoughts, has been spawned from a personal experience wherein I threw away a perfectly amiable relationship chance on the premise that there was not much passion from my side. The only way it can be described is "Flushing a diamond down the toilet". It was perfect on all accords, it was a perfect growth opportunity and not to mention the huge leap in societal status it would have granted me but I refused. Then and even now I keep thinking, was I too quick to react? Should had I given it a chance? Two and half decades into life and not a single serious relationship later, is it time for one to settle?

As a young person, one has certain expectations and demands in other person and you refuse to look beyond them. The fact that these expectations are fickle can be proven by simple reason that they change over time. So how do you know in a certain period of time whether you will like/not like a person in future. When you have no idea of your future taste, can one make a choice in present? More so ever can that choice be expectant of future love? 

If we go by the argument that even if we do not love the person right now, one will in time grow into it. The most pertinent question is, what if we don't? Wouldn't it be leading someone on for nothing, wasting their time and leaving them high and dry? Even if one does talk it out with the other party before trying, isn't it a little selfish on our part to "try" a person? Further more in a bid to not upset the other person, and the absence of other opportunities one can actually "go along" with it all the while knowing that you have no particular romantic feelings towards the person. At such a time if we were to find someone we like, then what? Also this might happen over years and situation might not be favourable at all then. So we miss out something real because something false has become too comfortable, too routine, too stick on. 

The other side of the coin is that we might be missing out on an opportunity. Everyone has been through phases in life where you do not like people at first but then come to grow into them as time passes and before you know you are best buddies and sometimes even develop feelings for them. In such circumstances how can we be sure that we won't like that person later on? Wouldn't it be a waste, considering the fact that the other person has deep feelings for you. It is not everyday (unless you are exceptionally beautiful, clever, funny and hundred other adjectives) you find someone who likes you a lot. 

After a lot of deliberation and a lot of thought into it, I have not been able to reach a solution. Decision I made  has no bearing on my state of mind, it was just an emotional response by an over dreamy non-rational brain. 

Not considering the game players who use people left-right and centre, for common folks who have dreams, aspirations, and at the same time compassion for others do we realise that the time has come for us to settle? Will I in future know that this is viable in spite of being lack lustre right now? Can one prevent oneself from flushing a diamond down the toilet again? Can one learn to settle? 

Does the cover matter?

Every single person who has had the fortune of going to a decent school must have been taught (in different language and context of course) that one should never judge a book by its cover. Fact that the exterior doesn’t always represent the interior is the basic premise behind the adage.

Apart from few people who actually read books because they have pretty covers, this saying doesn’t involve books at all. More so importantly it is about people. The cover here symbolises the exterior, the looks of a person and the content of the book, a metaphor for the personality of the person. How much are we influenced by how a person’s looks while making a judgement on them? For pretentious snobs who claim they don’t judge other people, I would say this article is not meant for sublime humanoids who are beyond the humane follies. For others the question persists, how much importance the cover hold when we no longer talk about books?
Living in a world, bombarded by pictures of false perfection, do we put too much judgement on some factors which a person rarely has control? This thought has been generated by a rather unfortunate incident in which I chickened out of a situation just because the other person involved was not that much of a looker (actually it is much more sinister but hardly writable). The fact that I never gave the contents any chance doesn’t make me a very good person. Can it be that when it comes to the matters of the heart, looks are the most important thing and personality something second in line? Is it a person’s fault he/she does not look very good? Yes a person does have some control over the appearance but save plastic surgery I don’t see any drastic steps that can make anyone look significantly better than what they are.
What is making it worse is the control against which we are judged are greatly increasing to unattainable levels. Extremely thin models, exceptionally well built male models are being flashed to our unknowing eyes. Oblivious to the fact that these people have nothing else to do whole day other than work towards looking good, plus airbrushing, makeup and camera tricks are also involved. Sometimes the people shown are just plain unhealthy and they shouldn’t be a model of anything leave alone beauty.
The most one can do to combat this extreme judgement is to start judging others in the same way you would want someone to judge you. You cannot expect you to be treated fairly if you go about calling people fat for having few extra pounds because when you put on those extra pounds you call yourself fat. For me it’s easier said than done as this simple method accidently overlaps many important psychological areas of importance like self esteem, self acceptance and third party validation. For those who can manage, the world will always be a more accepting and less judging place. For the rest it will always be a struggle to reach that unattainable book cover. Oblivious to the fact that someone out there might be interested in opening the book beyond the cover page and reading the contents, we will keep trying to photo shop the bloody heck out of the book cover.
Hopefully a time will come that will free us from the binds of judgement in future but till that time we will always try to loose that fat we put on when we were enjoying our life, a few moments which didn’t care for the judging eyes, few moments represented by a nice chocolate cake which like the cake finish up leaving behind a dirty plate of conscience and two hours on the treadmill.

Readers of course realise that every “we” here is me.

Creating memories

I remember a famous dialog from some random movie in which an old lady advices her son "Son don't make money, make memories". The thought is really nice but when do we realise that we are making memories? What separates the mundane life from the future memories?
We will never know what we will remember and what we will forget, we can never anticipate the magnitude of the event just by itself when it happens. So can we say that memories are cannot be created on purpose? If i say I want to remember this day forever can i do that?
In a life full of dynamics, do we actually know that we are living the time of our lives?

The agony of Deja vu

I am horribly bored so I just decided to visit the blog. I should really start writing regularly, it is cathartic and I have practically nothing else to do for almost a month now. So lets see I hope i do start writing regularly.
Reason for this post particularly pertains to a very painful repetition of events in my life. I guess the year to be 2008 and a different country. I don't know but i always seem to save myself from trouble by building huge walls around me. Locking myself up in an ivory tower where I am safe from all the miseries of the world, in a place where no one holds the power to hurt me. Though everyone I meet starts on the same page, some very few do manage to knock down some walls. Few come close to my ivory tower and once in 2 years someone does manage to reach me.
I don't know how but sometimes things happen where I open up to people. Bad part of this is, they gain considerable power over me and my thinking, which I don't like at all.
Deja vu, the feeling that the present has happened before, like you are living it the second time around. Someone has done this before and someone is doing it now. Last time it hurt me like hell, and I am afraid it is going to hurt again.
The thought that I will have to go through this shit again is exasperating. Still don't know what to do. Save myself the heartache I will have in 6months for which I will have to push the person away or have fun for 6months and brace myself for the shit yet once more??
Like I always say...time holds the answer in her womb and all we have is ultrasound(astrology) :D. See

See you around. A very nice song to mark the sentiment.. The scene where she is eating alone reminds me of myself a lot.

Never forget it was bad

A friend reminded me of the blog so like just stepped in to write something. I don't know why I ever stopped writing anyway. I should have noted down these 5 months as they turned out to be very important months of my life.
Writing this article to just remind me of how horrible time I am having. I realised over time we tend to forget the bad times we had and tend to remember only the good times and get all nostalgic about days gone by. I did this with the '90s. I can safely say that out of all the time in the '90s I just had fun for less than 30% of the time still I tend to remember that as a good time. Reminding of the 30% good times while conveniently forgetting the ordeal of rest of time.
I have to stop myself from doing about the current time so writing this. This certainly is the most important time of my life till now but it is in no way all good. It has been full of disappointments and rejections. Jupiter changed in December and certainly improved my life but in perception. By that I mean that the background didn't change at all just the way I perceive changed. I once read somewhere that Jupiter on Jupiter gives a false sense of happiness, a sense that everything is alright. Well that was happening I believe.
Now that false sense of happiness is gone with Jupiter's transit to Aquarius. I am back to my sad self. The things that gave me comfort and made me forget the miseries are all one by one going away. Today was the worst day. You can get sad only to a certain extent then you just stop, you can no longer be sad its just not mentally possible to be more dejected than a certain level. That is happening today I reached like a Plataue, now someone tells me something bad I ll probably laugh.
This time different thing is that I no longer doubt planets, one event was like a slap on my doubtful face. I do believe that I will have good times to come but till then I want to remember the bad times for what they were BAD...
A really nice song from the '90s...the decade that I remember as happy..

Silver linings

Right now I am going through a pretty bad time in life. One of my online friends suggested that I should write at such an important time. Deeply thinking its a good idea, writing can be cathartic for the mind, especially when you don't have anyone trust able to reveal your true feelings to.
The silver lining of this dark cloud is that I have taken a step forward in my readings. I have invested my time in reading classical literature, the sort of literature every "well accomplished" person should know. I read Jane Austen,Milton,Wilde and of course Shakespeare too. Apart from my wish to be well versed in literature I read more for the joy of it. Thankfully the library in our university is stocked with all kinds of books. So maybe after this drought in happiness is flushed by rain I will be left with a sense of accomplishment.
As I wait for the planets to turn and help my fortune I cannot help but realise that this time has taught me many a things. It has changed me a lot, made me more of a man and less of a boy. I still wonder whether this bad spell has stabbed my innocence or injected it with a vitaliser. Time of course as usual holds the unborn answer in her womb delivering only when he's completely ready to face the world and the world him.
Writing an excerpt from a poem by Oscar Wilde "The dole of King's daughter"

There are two that ride from south and east,
And two from the north and west,
For the black raven a goodly feast,
For the king's daughter rest

There is one man who loves her true,
Red ,O red is stain of gore!
He hath duggen a grave by the darksome yew
One grave will do for four.

No moon in the still Heaven,
In the black water none,
The sins on her soul are seven,
The sin upon his is one.

Hope, good or bad?

The reason for this thought is but natural a personal hope. Right now I am hoping that I get a job. I had applied for a job and was called for interview too. Interview went well but owing to the holidays in between the decision has been postponed till the coming week. As the "D week" arrives I wonder what will happen to me? Will I get this job? I can only hope...
There is a very famous conversation in the movie "Shaw shank Redemption" about hope. About how hope can be fatal, crush a man's life when the deed is not fulfilled. On the other hand he spent the time he had hoping for it and at least that time was not bad. So what do we do exactly? Is it wrong to hope for something? If the wish does come true, then hope was the best thing to have and if it doesn't it was the worst thing.
My hope is worst than others, because its based on astrology. I am not just randomly hoping for something. My hope is based on the study if planets. That in sense complicates things because if this hope is not satisfied it will directly assault my belief in astrology. I know it sounds shallow and childish but when you hope for something for months on end, your mind makes up things and dreams that are very difficult to delete. At such a time an entity taking the blame for hope is a healing one. I am not saying that if I don't get the job astrology is wrong, I maybe wrong for astrology. :)